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Kara kruz: the mommy returns (8th palkat)


Kara Kruz: The Mommy Returns (8th palkat)

Kalis Marco S, M.R.B.

I've told you 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 thousand times
Haven't I made it obvious?
Haven't I made it clear?
Want me to spell it out for you?


-Anne Marie, Friends cover*

(*Anne Marie original)

Part VI, Da Formula 6

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during tita Judge Aramina’s trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little suggestive.

(N.B., still unable to write the sequel of this never-ending story, Tita Judge Aramina again requested that I write it, because not only that she is overly encumbered with her duties as the Vice President, just like tita Kara Danvers, tita Judge Aramina has to walk away too from certain… vulnerabilities?)

We’ll all go to hell
-Saint Karl Marks

Tita A.G. Maya wanted to ask The Veiled and the Beautiful whether she saw tito Jerry Maya but she realized she was not only screamless, she was also speechless. Tita A.G. needed to tell tito Jerry about something and she panicked when the carabao started to amble away.

“Wait,” she mumbled as she stood and started to amble toward the ambling carabao. Then her nape hair stiffened, “Why am I walking like a zombie…am I dead… a walking dead? But I already pinched myself and I felt it.”

Meanwhile, back in Camarines, instead of attending the CLMS Sunday Mass that morning, tita Alexandria, tito Edo Manzanilla, tito Charlie, and tita Christine went back to see the big boulder of rock that gave birth to tita Ra-MI, tito MON-ET, and Dr. Desiré Fer.

“I am still curious how this big boulder of rock gave birth to three adults.” Tita Alexandria laughed as she inspected the engraved ‘SW’ on the surface of the rock.

But deep inside tita Alexandria, she knew she was more interested in finding the hunchback and The Veiled and the Beautiful:

The ones that got away

“Where did they go?” Tita Alexandria mumbled, as she tried to recall that night when they followed the carabao and the mobile hut. Tita Alexandria and tito Edo thought they reached Notre Dame… but not to the burned cathedral in Paris because like what tito Edo had said, the carabao can’t fly, they must have stayed domestic; like in Cebu because tito Edo thought he saw Miss VM. Not Miss Vina Morales, tito Mayor Aramiro’s imaginary childhood sweetheart but Miss Valeen Montenegro. Of course, Miss VM was not tito Aramiro’s imaginary childhood sweetheart, Miss Valeen was tito Edo’s.

While tita Alexandria was inspecting the engraved ‘SW’ initials, tita Christine took out the document, the Dead ‘C’ Scroll and asked tito Charlie and tito Edo whether they could remember the incantation that Tia Sidni the Sorcerer had incantated to open the rock.

But tito Edo wouldn’t be able to think of that incantation or even think of Miss Valeen at that time because suddenly, he felt his heart leapt; he thought he saw tita Precious kneeling… not inside the surveilance car like… in front of tito Charlie, but kneeling inside the CLMS and praying her Rosary.

“Is this an epiphany… or is this a guilty feeling,” he mumbled to himself. Probably tito Edo was feeling guilty because he kept accusing tita Precious of having an affair with tito Charlie although tita Precious kept reassuring tito Edo that they were just friends:

Edo, I told you probably about 6 thousand times already, just like Anne Marie’s cover song during the Vice Presidential inauguration at the Karmanet SariSari Store Kabikulan, remember Anne Marie Edo? Mayora Annette’s daughter? Charlie and I are just friends… F-R-I-E-N-D-S, that’s right Edo, that’s how you spell friends.

Suddenly, tito Edo felt a strange feeling of wanting to hug and embrace tita Precious at that time. He was feeling guilty of leaving her to pray her Rosary alone in CLMS. He should have been there for her, help her pray the Rosary… “how many times had she prayed the Rosary,” tito Edo mumbled, “6 thousand times? Probably 6 hundred thousand times… she must be nearing her sainthood goal,” tito Edo smiled, “my darling Saint Precious, how could I suspect she was straddling Charlie when all they were doing was practicing their dance moves… Saint Precious wouldn’t really straddle another man.”

Meanwhile, back in CLMS, while Saint Precious was palming that wet and sticky stuff, Saint Karl Marks was still astonished why a woman was straddling him.

“Probably I am really dead now and I am in heaven,” the Deacon muttered to himself, “because a pretty and beautiful virgin is sitting on my lap… probably one of the 74 virgins… or is it 72 virgins?”

“Are you a virgin?” The Deacon wanted to ask the woman who was straddling him but he was speechless.

Then, confusion started to overwhelm the Deacon once again, he remembered what the Sampaloc woman had said: Deny two more times that you were Mayora Annette’s ex-boypren at some point in your life and you would become a saint too just like St. Peter.

He couldn’t be a saint because the Deacon couldn’t remember the third time he had denied being the Mayora’s ex-boypren.

“And how could I have gone straight to heaven,” the Deacon mumbled, “because according to the original Apostles’ Creed, I should have descended straight into hell like Jesus Christ:

…conceived by the Holy Spirit
born of the Virgin Mary
suffered under Pontious Pilate
was crucified, died, and was buried
He descended into hell
On the third day
He rose again from the dead
He ascended into heaven…

So… we’ll all go to hell before we go to heaven?”

Then the Deacon tried to focus on the pretty face with wide eyes looking at him, the left hand holding a mashed and wet Atis fruit and a sticky patupat, a rice cake wrapped in palaspas or silag leaf and dipped in boiling sugarcane molasses.

“Where did these items come from?” Tita Precious mumbled.

Although a mumble, the Deacon heard what tita Precious had mumbled because their faces were almost rubbing, the Deacon could also smell a hint of cinnamon from her breath, so the Deacon replied, “from your pocket.”

“No, I mean…”

“Oh, I saw you flying toward the altar… toward me… then I had a flashback of my life memories, you know, the flashbacks before you die… Elisa was marching at the Amburayan beach… she was wearing a crown not made of thorns but made of camote vines… then… then… a flash… I saw your beautiful face flashed in my eyes… no… it was the veiled Miss Ariana Siddiqi’s face…no, I think it was the face of the Veiled and the Beautiful… then just before our faces would collide, her veil seem to deploy between us like an airbag, probably not a takata airbag because it seem to have worked… our faces didn’t really collide and you are now sitting on my lap.”

“Elisa? Oh, I remember now, you are deacon Karl Marks, you were seated at the right side of the Father just before our collision… but where is the Father now… and how exactly did these atis fruit and patupat rice cake ended inside my pocket… the last time I heard about atis and patupat, a hunchback apparently wanted to give these items to me at the Karmanet SariSari Store Kabikulan during the Vice Presidential inauguration. That was in palkats 3 and 4 of the Kara Kruz: Sins of Desire.”

The deacon moved his face a little farther to see the forest instead of the tree. Then he recognized tita Precious:

“Oh hi Detective Precious… I don’t know why the atis and the patupat ended inside your pocket.”

Then for some reason, tita Precious giggled, “your breath smells like cinnamon too Deacon Karl, probably cinnamon-flavored coffee… or probably you had cinnamon-flavored patupat with you coffee.”


Meanwhile, back in Cavite, tita Elisa’s face turned into a whiter shade of pale… more white that her white complexion when she heard the news from tita Lara Mae Dario Garcia that the CLMS had been bombed:

“OMG! Why am I suspecting that Karl probably is rubbing faces with another woman when in fact… he might actually be at the cusp of death! That’s why I was… agdandanag…kinakabahan… I was having an irregular heartbeat!”

Meanwhile, back at the big boulder of rock, no one could remember the incantation that Tia Sidni the sorcerer had incantated so tita Christine pointed the Dead ‘C’ Scroll toward the rock and shouted:


Then they felt the earth moved under their feet, “déjà vu all over again,” tita Alexandria muttered because she felt the earth moved under their feet the first time she and tito Edo saw the rock and the alukon tree and the hut.

“It’s an earthquake!” Tita Alexandria exclaimed, “probably from the explosion we heard a few moments ago?”

Then tita Christine blurted: What is that…up in the sky? It looks like… a flying carabao?

Tita Alexandria: More like… the cape of Superman? Supergirl’s?

Tito Edo: No… that looks like a falling rug… probably… garbage from Canada!

Then there was a loud rumbling. The rock started to roll.

“The rock is rolling! It looks like a door and it is opening… is that a cave…The TOMB?” Tito Charlie exclaimed. “What is inside… treasures? Who is inside? Elvis? Jesus Christ! The rock is rolling toward us!”


Kalis Marco San, M.R.B. ©2019

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