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Kalis Marco S, M.R.B
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Kara kruz: the mommy returns (7th palkat)


Kara Kruz: The Mommy Returns (7th palkat)

Kalis Marco S, M.R.B.

You just can’t serve two masters
-Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Part VI, Da Formula 6

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during tita Judge Aramina’s trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little suggestive.

(N.B., still unable to write the sequel of this never-ending story, Tita Judge Aramina again requested that I write it, because not only that she is overly encumbered with her duties as the Vice President, just like tita Kara Danvers, tita Judge Aramina has to walk away too from certain… vulnerabilities?)


The most searched word in 2018 according to, hmn, probably some search spies was ‘justice’. Probably some searchers were searching for the true meaning of ‘justice’.

But for Datu Tandulan, he knew exactly the true meaning and he has only two words that would define ‘justice’(or the lack thereof):

Pepsi Paloma

“All Lives matter,” he once told the young tito Aramiro, “it is equally important as

Black Lives matter.”

Tito Aramiro was just five years old then:

That’s right Miron, whether a person is brown like us, or black like our Aeta or Negrito brothers and sisters, each life is precious; no one is entitled to just take or unlawfully snuff that precious life away. Whether you are the president, the prime minister, a congressman, a senator, a governor, a mayor, or an entertainer, you don’t have the right to just unlawfully take a person’s life.

Every life is precious, Miron, once taken away, once switched off will never be switched on again. The life of a woman is equally important as the life of a man; likewise as important as the life of a prostitute, like Mary Magdalene as perceived by the westerners (or apparently according to the easterners: an Apostle).

That’s right Miron, whether you are a madre or a nun, probably a bold star, a bomba star, a starlet, a striptease dancer, an exotic dancer, a lap dancer, your life is equally important.

(Probably that’s why Datu Tandulan’s great great great grandfather Rajah Tandulan refused to participate in fighting the Spaniards or the Portuguese Magellan… probably Rajah Tandulan knew his great great great great grandson Aramiro would marry a Portuguese-Spaniard-Filipina named Aramina whose mother would be born in Aramina Brazil)

(“You mean to say Kal-EL,” ate Alma pointed at the screen while I was typing this the other day, “if Rajah Tandulan lawfully snuffed a Portuguese or a Spaniard’s life… lawful because it was war and Rajah Tandulan would have been a warrior, so if that killing of the Portuguese or Spaniard caused a

Butterfly Effect

i. e., that Portuguese or Spaniard might have been tita Aramina’s forefather… then tita Aramina might not have been born, tito Miron might have then married another Spaniard-Filipina like… say… tita Marian Rivera)


(Tita Marian Rivera Tandulan?)

Enihu, ‘lapdancing’ or ‘what could have been’ or ‘justice’ was not in Datu Tandulan’s mind that fateful morning when he saw the fireball in the skies of Tawi-Tawi:

What was that? Datu Tandulan had quietly murmured.

“Was it a bird, or a plane KAL-EL,” ate Alma pointed at the screen again while I was typing this yesterday, “or probably Superman… Supergirl probably … Superma’am… Darna? Ah, I know Kal-EL it was a …

Black Hole!

That’s right Kal-EL; it was a Black Hole, like a honey-glazed doughnut with a hole in the middle… or probably a light brown donut with a hole laced with brown maple sugar! Datu Tandulan was the very first one to see a Black Hole!”

Ha? A maple sugar glazed donut like what they served in Richmond Hill when we went there…. Hmn, yummy.

Ha? Sorry. I digressed.

Enihu, Datu Tandulan was still gazing at the sky and seemingly perplexed and flummoxed to notice the commotion around him like when ate Katrina Nalibug received the text message about the explosion at the Catholic church in Tawi-Tawi, or when ate Grace Nalibug received the phone call from tita Lara Mae Dario Garcia:

“O My God Grace, the Church of the Later Married Saints in Camarines has just been bombed!”

Too perflexed to notice tito Aramiro and tita Aramina looking at each other and wondering whether the explosion at the Tawi-Tawi church was an assassination attempt.

Tita Mayora Annette was also looking at her new boypren wondering whether the explosion at the Tawi-Tawi church was an assassination attempt… but for whom… then suddenly she felt a chill when she heard ate Grace’s announcement; the bombing of the CLMS:

OMG! Kar and his family are attending that Mass in Camarines!

She wanted to scream but just like tita A.G. Maya, she was screamless.

Probably it would be odd for tita Aramina to hear tita Annette call tito Mark Antony as ‘Kar’ like how tita Rosario would call tito Mark Antony. Tita Aramina calls him ‘Karm’, like most of their friends.

(Some would call tito Mark as ‘Karms’, like tita Vickie, and tita Erika, and tita Doctora Adina, and tita Doctora Diana)

(Hmn, that could be an indication of plurality, Kal-EL, ate Alma opined yesterday while I was typing this)

(I wanted to ask ate Alma if she meant ‘multiple singularity’ but she might misread it again, like probably ‘pornographic story’)

(Or was it pornographic memory?)

Enihu, for some odd reason, tita Mayora Annette suddenly saw flashbacks of the times she had spent with tito Mark Antony:

Their first phone conversation when she was in NY, when tito Mark notified tita Annette of her High School Sweetheart’s death... Kal’s death:

“May I call you Kar?” “Yes you may, Ma’am.” “Just call me Annette, Kar.” “Sure Ma’am Annette.”

When tita Annette came home and she was met at the Ninoy airport by tito Mark:

“O my God Kar, you look like Kal!” “You look like Kris Bernal ma’am Annette.” “Kris who?” “Andeng ma’am… never mind.”

Then they stayed in a hotel near the airport, then tita Annette had so much wine to drink. Tito Mark did not drink much because he was the designated driver; they drove to Ilocos the following morning. They went straight to the cemetery, then tita Annette made ‘dung-aw’, a threnody, a loud almost sing-song lamentation:

Oh Kal waaah my lab! You did not even see our daughter Anne Marie because you did not believe!

Tito Mark was there to cajole, to comfort tita Annette. Tito Mark was always comforting tita Annette, especially when they went and stayed at tita Rosario’s house in Ilocos. Tita Annette was so sad and lonely…

and so afraid of ghosts!

“Kar, I am scared to be alone in Rosario’s bed… wanna join me? You don’t have to sleep here at your living room’s sofa.”

So there, tito Mark cajoled and comforted tita Annette even at tita Rosario’s bed.

(Well, tito Mark swore in front of tita Judge Aramina nothing really happened between him and tita Annette, tita Judge Aramina’s bestfriend since they were in San Veda:

Yes Judge Aramina, promise, cross my heart and hope to die. We slept together, that’s right, we just slept… actually back to back, agkabukot, to keep each other warm because Your Honor, you know that December nights could be soooo cold.)

Of course, according to tito Mark, he wouldn’t do anything stupid that could jeopardize tita Rosario’s return to her own Ilocos bed. Because at that time, they were separated, tita Rosario went to a far away place, like probably one thousand far away (like Miss Tibz when she left Apong Don Huan, when she went to live in far away Hawaii).

Then, like most couples, tita Annette made quarrel-quarrel with tito Mark because of a remark made by tito Mark:

Stop this…

concatenation of lies

Ma’am Annnette, it is impossible for your dead boypren to impregnate a woman when he was alive… he was ‘baog’, sterile, admit it, ‘Anne Marie’ was just a ploy…


Tita Annette made dabug-dabog, basug-basog, immediately left tita Rosario’s house, took the rental car, went straight to the airport, went home to NY that same night.

So there, another woman left tito Mark, who was once again alone and lonely. So tito Mark decided to follow tita Annette in NY, he actually used the plane ticket that tita Rosario had sent him, a plane ticket that he could use to follow her to Ukraine; tito Mark exchanged the ticket for a ticket to NYC.

So, probably fate, because my mommy Miss Brenda was the business class flight attendant at that time, apparently, tito mark was so pale… he was scared of flying that was why he never followed tita Rosario in Ukraine:

You look so pale Sir, you look like you just lost all your money in your Nortel stocks

I-I-I am afraid of flying Ma’am…

Call me Miss Brenda Sir…

Call me Karm, Miss Brenda.

Then, since it was tito Mark’s first time to go to NYC, my mommy Miss Brenda drove tito Mark around NYC with her mini-cooper and eventually brought him to tita Annette’s workplace in NYC.

(Then as a repayment of that favor, my mommy Miss Brenda would sometimes stay at tita Rosario’s house in Ilocos, sleep in tita Rosario’s bed while tito Karm would sleep at the living room sofa)

Then of course, tita Annette and tito Mark made peace, tita Annette brought tito Mark to Niagara Falls NY to meet Anne Marie who was equally perplexed:

Anne Marie: Dad?

Tito Mark: Look, I am not your father

Anne Marie: You look like him in that black and white graduation picture

So, tito Mark had been convinced Anne Marie the love child was really real, tito Mark and tita Annette spent a few days in Niagara Falls not to honeymoon but to enjoy the scenery. Then they went back to Ilocos, tita Annette bought tita Rosario’s house and they started their first Karmanet Sari-Sari Store: Karm and Annette Sari-Sari Store. Tita Annette was the financier with tito Mark as sales associate.

Then tita Annette had an idea: Why don’t I run for mayorship Kar? You will be my vice- mayor mate. Tito Mark had his doubts: I don’t think I would qualify ma’am Annette, I am just a tindero, a sales associate.

Although it was a Palm Sunday day or Passion Sunday, they visited tita Annette’s bestfriend Judge Aramina to ask her to be the vice mayor candidate, but before they were able to press the doorbell, they heard some piano and other moaning noises inside the Tandulan residence:



Tita Annette giggled and looked at tito Mark: I think they are dancing in the dark Kar… or probably they are having a Passion-Pasyon or Passionate Sunday brunch on top of their piano… and they fell. Tito Mark blushed and scratched his nape: Just press the doorbell ma’am Annette.


Tita Aramina and Tito Aramiro still giggling because they fell on the floor from the top of their piano suddenly stopped what they were doing and they looked at each other: Then Tita Aramina whispered: Did you order chicken take-out for delivery Mironski? No Araminski, shhh, be quiet, let me take a peek through the window…

O My God Araminski… it’s Yan-Yan! It’s Mary Antoinette Rivera your San Veda bestfriend! She’s with Rosario’s ex-husband the philandering Mark Antony! And they are holding palaspas… palm leaves… that’s right Araminski, it’s Palm Sunday today.

So, tita Aramina and tito Aramiro immediately put on their house robes and still panting and sweaty, tita Aramina opened the door:

Annette! Karm!

Hello my San Veda comrades! You two smell like… Passionate Sin!

So, to conclude tita Annette’s flashback, tita Aramina was not able to run as the vice mayor running mate because she was a sitting district judge; tito Aramiro ran instead. Tito Mark was their campaign manager.

But just like what tita Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had said, “You can’t just serve two masters,” tito Mark’s life became too complicated. Because while tito Mark was being employed by tita Annette as Karmanet Sari-Sari Store sales associate and also her campaign manager, tita Rosario decided to pay tito Mark a surprise visit:

Tita Rosario: Hello Kar, you can come and visit me now

Tito Mark: Where Rosario, Ukraine

Tita Rosario: No I’m here… in a hotel near Ninoy Aquino airport

Tito Mark nearly collapsed because it was the same hotel where he and tita Annette had stayed the first time they met. So, Tito Mark filed for a three-day vacation and he rushed to the hotel and they made some passionate reconciliation:

Tita Rosario: We will be having a family Christmas dinner tomorrow night Kar… you can join us

Tito Mark: Oh, tomorrow night… I have a meeting tomorrow night Rosario… we have to strategize our mayoral campaign with my mayoral candidate, she wanted to discuss our new strategy

Tita Rosario: She? Is she pretty Kar… like the legendary…the veiled and the beautiful

Tita Mark: O, no Rosario… au contraire, she is 70 years old… the Old and the Non-beautiful

So, tito Mark went to his meeting with tita Annette, they went to their dinner place where tita Annette made a reservation. They were laughing and giggling when tito Mark noticed the godzilla-like gaze from the other table… OMG! Tito Mark nearly collapsed again; tita Rosario the godzilla was looking at him with her laser-like eye beams, then she looked at the 70 years old and the non-beautiful, and back at tito Mark.

Then tito Mark noticed the parent godzillas, both lawyers, equally shocked at the sight of their ex son-in-law. Tita Rosario’s brother was there too along with his wife tita Adina and their son.

Tito Mark sheepishly stood and stutteringly introduced tita Annette, his master, to the other master, tita Rosario:

R-R-Rosario, meet my boss the mayoral candidate ma’am Annette… we are just…


Kalis Marco San, M.R.B. ©2019

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