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Kara kruz: the mommy returns (5th palkat)


Kara Kruz: The Mommy Returns (5th palkat)

Kalis Marco S, M.R.B.

Darling, just dive right in
-Ed Sheeran, Perfect

Part VI, Da Formula 6

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during tita Judge Aramina’s trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little suggestive.

(N.B., still unable to write the sequel of this never-ending story, Tita Judge Aramina again requested that I write it, because not only that she is overly encumbered with her duties as the Vice President, just like tita Kara Danvers, tita Judge Aramina has to walk away too from certain… vulnerabilities?)


Apparently, just before death, at least what the movies would tell you, just when you are about to inhale your last breath, a quick recapitulation of your life history would flash right before your eyes. Well, at least the happy moments. Like the day you met the love of your life, the main one. If you have several main loves, then dying might be an issue.

But for the Deacon, Saint Karl Marks, he’d swear the only woman that would flash in his eyes would be tita Elisa sashaying… or walking with a kinni-kinni, pakendeng-kendeng in tagalog, when he was being led to tita Elisa’s laboratory, the Deacon could not take his eyes off her swaying hip… swaying skirt.

“No need to wear a laboratory gown for now Kar, I am just going to show you our laboratory.” “You mean ‘Karl’ ma’am Elisa.” “Oh, that’s right Karl… your name is Karlus Markus.”

Then most likely, their first event in their darkroom would be the next scene to flash in the Deacon’s eyes, probably slo-mo, then tita Elisa walking at the Kennedy airport, tumalangkiaw, stopping every now and then, mumbling and taking a deep breath because she was eight months pregnant, they were going to meet the Deacon’s family in Nueva Vizcaya, but from NV, they had to go to Bangar La Union because the Deacon’s auntie, Tia Sidni who would do the birthing happened to be visiting her father's side relatives.

“O my gooseneck! You are close to giving birth but you are not yet married to each other… let’s have a wedding!” Tia Sidni declared, because not only that she is a mammaltot, a midwife, she is also a Priestess (and a sorcerer).

So their Bangarian relatives prepared a feast, it was December 24th. The Deacon’s auntie Claring made a crown not of thorns but made of kamote vines, sweet potato vines and inserted some gumamela and calachuchi flowers for tita Elisa to wear… she did look like a Greek goddess, a pregnant Greek goddess. The wedding happened at the sandy beach of Amburayan River, near the Bangar-Tagudin boundary.

Then as tita Elisa marched toward Tia Sidni’s altar, the Deacon’s auntie Claring sang Perfect by Ed Sheeran:

…Darling just dive right in
And follow my lead

Well I found a girl
Beautiful and sweet
I never knew you were the someone
Waiting for me

Tita Elisa looked confused while marching; she never thought the Deacon’s auntie Claring was way ahead of her time. But feeling overwhelmed… as if in a time warp, tita Elisa never asked the Deacon’s auntie Claring how or why she knew Ed Sheeran’s song.

Then after the wedding, a few minutes after midnight, it rained so they had to take refuge inside the horse’s stable, then tita Elisa gave birth, so they named their son ‘Christopher’ after Christ. Then for some drama, tita Elisa placed Topet inside the manger.

(Tita Rosario’s son Christopher was not born on a Christmas day but at the opposite end of the Christ’s earthly lifespan, a Good Friday day, so Topet celebrates his birthday every Good Friday, so no permanent date)

(Tita Teresa, tita Vickie’s sister was the one who suggested the name ‘Christopher’ for tita Rosario’s son, to reflect Christ’s suffering during the day of his death: ‘Kristo suffer’, thus Christopher)

(Topet and Topet are now four years old)

If Tita Elisa was so confused while marching at the Perfect song during their wedding at the Amburayan River, the Deacon was more confused at the altar:

“Am I dead? Why am I hearing an Angel singing… she was supposed to be not singing but reading the first reading… Angel Garcia…:”

“Darling, just dive right in”

Then the Deacon realized he was not at their wedding altar in Amburayan and his Darling marching toward him but instead, he was at the CLMS altar… and his parabolic cannonball Darling dove right into him… OMG!


Then the Deacon realized his eyes were wide shut, he slowly opened his eyes. His parabolic cannonball Darling was straddling him… sitting on his lap, … facing him! Her arms around his shoulders and his arms around her waist...his Darling's eyes were wide open looking at him; mouth agape... from screaming?

Meanwhile, back in Tawi-Tawi, Tita Alicia G. Maya was also confused why their wedding song Perfect by Ed Sheeran was being played by their wedding band:

I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own

Am I dying? Is this the recapitulation of my short life, she mumbled.

But it was not the recap of their wedding that crossed tita Alicia’s mind initially after the blast; if tito Jerry was thinking of his regrets of not listening to tita Alicia regarding his smoking, tita Alicia was thinking of the secret… her secret that she intended to whisper to tito Jerry after her first reading.

But where is Jerry, tita Alicia mumbled in her mind. She felt very weak.

Suddenly, tita Alicia began to miss tito Jerry, how tito Jerry would carry her to their bed… just like after their wedding. Tito Jerry carried tita Alicia from the door of the church into the waiting kalesa, a horse-drawn vehicle, their choice of limo ride.

Idi kuan, and then, tita Alicia noticed it was so dark…darkness had already befallen over her. OMG! She began to panic. Then she remembered the first reading during the second Sunday of the Lent Season; to be able to see the light, the path to heaven, she needed to sacrifice a three years old goat… a 3 years old goat? How am I supposed to know how old a goat when I see one! She mumbled, and where am I supposed to find a goat? Or a ram? Or a lamb?

Then she noticed it was dark because her eyes were wide shut. So she opened her eyes. Then a bright light seemed to blind her…

Agnus Dei!

she muttered, then she noticed the light was coming from the kalesa, their limo ride? And is that Jerry who is waiting for me, she mumbled.

But, as tita Alicia was looking at the kalesa and the kutsero, she noticed the kalesa began to transform… or metamorphose into a ... kariton? And the horse had transfigured into a horny animal, an animal with two horns…a carabao?

What da…

Meanwhile, at the Datu Tandulan’s residence, tita Aramina, tito Aramiro, tita Annette, and her boypren and her boypren’s dog came out rushing from their rooms. Old Pug began to howl toward the sky:


Probably he was howling at what the Datu had seen, the Datu was still in shock and unable to speak.

“Text message!”

Tita Katrina’s smartphone announced. Tita Katrina read the text then exclaimed:

“OMG! There was an explosion at the Catholic Church!”

Tita Aramina shuddered. Tito Aramiro and tita Aramina looked at each other, they knew exactly what they were thinking:

They were supposed to be attending the mass that morning… was that an assasination attempt?


Kalis Marco San, M.R.B. ©2019

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